Those Advice given by A Father That Helped Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good place. You require some help. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to take a pause - going on a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their pain, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."