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Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, mostly pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin to date any man, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males have open relationships, but from my observations, they appear demanding, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling a bit lost.

Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions as fixed. What you need in your current state could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.